Cruel and kind
(melody: Threes, by Mercedes Lackey)
I was sitting, softly humming, on a tropical warm strand,
and was looking out at sea, my toes were buried in the sand,
Then there came a man who passed me, and he greeted me then there,
and we talked a while together, and I tought that he was fair..
And I dreamed about this question: what is cruel, what is kind?
For I feel I'm running wild, and cannot see since I am blind...
He just looked at me and wondered why those stripes were on my skin,
and I told him that I'd misbehaved, which was my greatest sin..
That I am in love with pain, and therefore I will challenge men,
in the hope that they will discipline and grant me harsh pain then.
But he told me I could also ask for what I did not find,
and in asking that I hoped that he would both be cruel and kind...
So I begged him and he took me to a dungeon dark and deep,
and he treated me quite harsh and strict, and asked me why he'd keep
to the actions I expected, for what good 't would do for him?
And I knew I could not ask him just to beat me on my whim.
And I told him I could never know what pleasure he would find,
if he'd lash me as I begged him and be cruel and not kind.
I feared my answer was the wrong one as he looked at me so strange,
but he thought it was a good one, and I saw a profound change,
as he lifted up the crop and started beating me real hard,
and then stopped abruptly which felt the same way as at the start.
And it was a painfull lesson, I submitted and I cried,
but then it turned out that my teacher was not cruel, he was kind..
He looked down on me with iron in his eyes and then he asked,
if I'd found what I was looking for and in the pain had basked.
And I nodded for he gave me what I'd asked so beggingly,
but I also felt so lost and very lonely suddenly.
And I let a single tear fall and I told him I was wrong,
and he smiled at me and showed he was not cruel but kind and strong.
And he smiled at me so soft it seemed like sun was shining in the night
of that dark and fearsome dungeon as he held me really tight.
And he told me I should not give up myself so readily,
that recieving pain was not all lust would ever be for me.
He had tried to give me lessons in the ways of love and lust,
and by being kind and cruel both that way he earned my trust.
But I fear I'll never learn that lesson further then just that
I will try to hang on to myself and not give me up yet.
For in pain is lust for me and I fear that will never change,
and I do not think that I can my own feelings rearrange.
But I do regard him high, for he worked hard to be that cruel,
and his kindness showed me gently that I'm not too great a fool.
A strange mixture then, these feelings, for someone both cruel and kind
is who I need to fulfill myself, my destiny to find..
linnet
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